I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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