Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
