it was like his penis was on wheels.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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