I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I am available for nakedness
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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