I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize