I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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