oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
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