and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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