So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
