bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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