this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
