there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
