I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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