Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
