Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
My friends, they love my intelligence
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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