That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
