i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
