Kareoke will never be a sober sport
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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