actually, I'm a sock model
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize