I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
