i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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