Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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