The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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