TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
