This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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