Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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