if i can run in heels then i can drive
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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