Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize