Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
