i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Randomize
