I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
