It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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