I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
She even gives head with a lisp.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
