I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
