Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
