i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
