So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
