The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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