Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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