Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
