Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
