left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
