thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
