Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
