I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
