Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I smell like Dick and happiness
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
