Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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