I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
