We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Randomize
