Porn is love you can see.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
