I am spending my child support on dildos
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
