I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
