fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
