Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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