Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Someone came in the potted fern
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
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