HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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