I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
