So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
