We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
