we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
