Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize