I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
