i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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