put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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