You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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