whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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