How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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