Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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