You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
