Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
