I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
My life is pants optional.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
