I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
